Dalcroze this way, Dalcroze that way

This is an unusual Daclroze conference in that it is one with a more academic focus.  One of the pillars of Dalcroze is to experience first and then explain afterwards, and the balance of words about music and the classroom experience of it is sometimes limping, sometimes in one direction, sometimes in another.  But at this gathering there are engaging explorations from both perspectives.  Thinking about it and feeling it.  It can be hard for one to speak to another, and difficult for those well-practiced in one to feel comfortable and valued when put in the light of the other.   As much as it would be nice to believe that it is possible to examine a topic objectively, people are people, egos are egos, loyalties, hierarchies, boxes and categories and judgments..they all still exist.  But sometimes we can be more pure about the goal and put it above us as people.  Dalcroze in this context seems tricky because it is so many things and has so many purposes that it can be hard to know what is higher and more important to serve than oneself and one's subjective perspective.  

Dalcroze can be educational, or therapeutic, or help performers, or offer something to music theory.  It can offer something to music researchers as well.  And they can also give something to those that practice it, to understanding the theory behind their practice.  There are so many things happening in one place, and tensions and confusions can arise, but in the end, the goal is growth, of oneself and of all the people with which we connect.  

Beyond Language

It is both unsettling and magical to be in a place where I don't speak the primary language.  Communication is turned on its head and gestures, signs, intuition, tones, all become far more salient. We are in Quebec City for the International Conference of Dalcroze Studies, and although there is still a fair amount of English, French is by far the dominant language.  The welcoming ceremony had many wonderful performances and presentations, in both French and English, including a short film and a discussion from its the creators. 

At one point, a teacher from the hosting university was honored and invited to get up to speak.  Preceding him was a grateful former student who told us how he had championed Dalcroze and brought it to the school over 40 years ago.  She spoke very highly of how he had touch so many lives. He said in English that I would not speak in English because it would be better for everyone, and that he would address the audience in French, instead.  And then there was a beautiful silence before he began to speak.  I don't know what he said, and perhaps it would have been disappointing had I understood his words, because his silences were so meaningful to me.  Divorced from the details of the stories and feelings he was sharing, I could read another part of what he was offering and what he had offered to others for years.  In addition to the brilliant improvisation performances, the beautiful visual films and graphics that were a part of them, the interactive singing, and lovely speeches of the ceremony, this will be something I remember.  

We can gain when we let go or lose something that is close or a comfort to us, something that we depend upon.  Sometimes its covers other possibilities of experiencing the world and seeing the people around us clearly.  There are many people with whom I will likely never be able to hold a full conversation, but we can still meaningfully communicate with one another in many other ways.  Another 4 days of enjoying the magic.....

Pacing

I'm wondering and hoping that it is possible to stretch my teaching endurance.  How many hours can one teach in a row?  My schedule seems to get full so quickly and the coming year is looming as a busy one.  I remember reading something written by a psychotherapist that there is such a thing as compassion burnout.  And although I'm not  therapist I can understand.  It takes energy to be with somebody for an hour, and to not only attend to their needs, but to ask oneself what they are and how to bring them to the surface and how best to address them given the person's overall and current disposition.   Regardless of being tired, I usually enjoy the work I do enough that I can keep pulling out more energy if needed, but my body still has certain needs.  At the very least, it's making me more serious about my boundaries and also my expectations for those with whom I'm working.  And maybe I will be forced to find a more peaceful maintenance of myself that I may have longer phrases in general.

Supporting Possibilities

If I had been born with different genes, or had different parents, or been influenced by different role models and teachers, life would probably be different.  It's so easy to compare ourselves with others, and for parents to compare their children with their expectations of what they could be.  Maybe we envision some barometer of success that is outside of what we are realistically given or can give to others.  It seems commendable to try.  Without that, it isn't possible to discover the potential that is there.  But there may be a great deal of value in a flexible goal, in a new direction, somewhere away from where our eyes were initially fixed.

Facebook is wonderful in that it brings others' lives closer to us than they might have been.  I can see friends of mine from the past achieving all sorts of things.  Professorships, jobs in ensembles, families, and travels around the world.  Sometimes I think some of those things might have been me.  Maybe they could have been my life.  But I was given a different set of many things, both inherited and modeled.  I've found myself in this spot in life, a very good one, but different from other trajectories of lives with which I've interacted.

There are many possibilities for children, but of all the things that I think parents and teachers can give them, love will go the furthest.  It will support all the good places that they may find themselves one day.

We are all endowed with a singularly unique perspective.  My recently divorced friends sees weddings and the relationship between a bride and groom in a way I cannot.  And the black woman on the bus, watching the young white boy tourist with his mother avoiding sitting next to her, is able to chuckle at this ignorance in a way I never could.  A mother of one of my students is able to scold her and love her deeply in a way I am not entitled to understand.

Watching the Exchange

Today I had the pleasure and privilege of watching 9 different teaching candidates teach short lessons to a group of students in northern Manhattan.  It's amazing to see how different people become over their lives.  Each one of them contributed and shared in a unique way, likely a result of their genes and the teaching and nurturing they had received over the years.  It also drove home to me that after a certain level of proficiency, it matters less the content, and more the way in which it is delivered.  I watched three teachers hone in on a particular student, each identifying the same issue, and each one speaking with her and interacting with her in a completely different way, all different in their demeanor and the way they framed the task at at hand towards helping her.  Her technical difficulty was even an issue that her primary teacher said he had addressed multiple times.

I also learned something from that girl, as she sat there so calmly, one teacher after another, continuing to try without strain.  As we left after the last candidate she stood in the middle of the room while everyone's attention was elsewhere, and made her most beautiful note of the day ring out.

Listening to Andrew play piano at the end of a tiring day

When life gets a little crammed, music has a wonderful way of opening up the joints, stretching the time, changing the color and timbre of the world.  It can give peace, or energy, or solace.  It brings the mind into focus when it's dancing in too many places at once.  What a wonderful thing it is, and what a wonderful gift to be able to give others.  Teaching or playing, the world is a different place with its presence.