Being a great teacher really requires understanding the wavelength a student is on. Seeing them more and more fully. So I felt like a very young teacher today when I walked into the 14th (13th) floor Central Park West apartment for my practice partner session, and upon seeing the chairs that this soon-to-be 6-year-old had set for our session during the 5 minutes I was running late, wanted to tell him how deeply I appreciated his courtesy and thoughtfulness--how touched I was that upon ringing the doorbell to the apartment, he had opened it immediately. He had been waiting.
But it was impossible to express to him how significant this was to me after a day of struggling to find respect at the school where I was teaching. Earlier in the day, I had to make the expectation clear that we don't talk while another person is playing for their evaluation, that we don't throw flashcards around, or jump up and scream after playing a piece. Expectations that I had somewhat expected would be in place for a 9 or 10-year-old. And here, this kid, not even 6, thinking to set up chairs so that we can get started with our lesson as soon as I arrived. How silly to think I could explain my gratitude.
But on the other end, those kids that can't sit still. How deep are their emotions and their confusions I cannot possibly know. It terrifies me to think. I learned through an assistant teacher today that one of the ones that is a constant struggle is insecure about going to middle school, that friends are mean to her. They are all under pressure now to take their state science test. And the tears and the backlash come in class. Some are able to control themselves and to manage the stress. And others are very sensitive, or distracted, unable to make sense of all the input that is trying to form and conform them into test-taking beings. What are we learning to be and to become? There is so little time and space in the classroom to be deeply considerate of a child. I admire those who can do this well.
There is a lot more to see. But I also appreciate that I get to see several sides of what is possible. There is a deep disadvantage in certain communities, a chaos that causes a fearful gripping in its members that does not exist in others. It is a feeling in the body.
It occurred to me the other day that the absence of fear is not courage, but rather, freedom. And I wonder how many people have the comfort to even consider this, shoulders up and pushing forward into life. It begins from childhood. I can see it in the ease with which my practice partner has consideration for me and trust in my guidance; and the correlating distrust in my other students and their inability to be considerate, even at an older age. It is not a judgement of them as people. It is what they have been given and taught. It is a challenge to me personally to teach with this distrust, it is a challenge for these students to be vulnerable enough to really learn, change and grow, and it perplexing and frustrating to me as to how, in a group setting, in this teaching atmosphere of breeding test takers, I can push against the waters.
But it makes me at least wish to try to listen more closely to what is going on with each of them. There is more that I can understand and in turn help them understand if I do. To help those that are guarded know that there is another way. And those who are not, to know this as well.
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