Tough Love

There are many different ways to love.  Sometimes people use the word as though it is a fixed state, but I think it is more realistic as an action.  Love is an act that we must cultivate, not a state of being to achieve.

In the last few days I've had several opportunities to experience different ways in which people can love.  Perhaps most explicitly for me was the Tae Kwon Do black belt test that I attended in Rhode Island.  Love is perhaps the most prevalent theme about which one of our masters speaks.  It was a celebration of love, of giving and receiving, of keeping the heart open even in difficulty.  In the background was a wedding, a family reunion, a worship group which sang hallelujahs throughout the late morning and afternoon sun on the lakes and in the sky.

And today I had my first experience at Success Academy Harlem 1, the school where I will be teaching cello for the Harmony Program.  Success Academy is a charter school with mostly lower income students and they have sculpted success through a very systematic and structured way of working with children ("scholars") to ensure that there are practically no behavioral problems. I've been working through online training to prepare myself for the teaching standards they practice, but today was the first time I got to see it in action.

As a child, I definitely would have cried in such an environment, as an adult I sucked it in and sat up straight.  During the hour I observed, the teacher did not smile once, or even come close to it, or show any emotion at all.  The class was completely silent and followed her directions exactly and she was completely clear about what was expected.  Their behavior was constantly noted as she awarded points for following the directions, giving a good answer, leadership, or compassion, or made corrections to behavior.  Every activity, every transition between activities was timed on a visible timer.  There was no room for deviant behaviors.

And within that hour she read a chapter of a book, had them reflect on some poor behavior in the morning and also give "shout-outs" to one another for good behavior, had them make arrays of rectangles to demonstrate multiplication principles, had an activity about this and then used it to teach them about square numbers and prime numbers.  They learned and reinforced a lot in that hour.

It's strange for me to see school in such a strict and seemingly joyless manner.  But there has been a lot of success in terms of test scores in these schools and that is the thinking behind such a rigid method.  The online course I'm taking calls it "No-Nonsense Nurturing."  This is how I will be expected to teach, at least in some semblance.  It will be a challenge, but I believe it is done out of love.  It isn't mean, it's just very clear, and perhaps it is what is really needed in schools where there is little structure from home life to create a good learning environment.  At the very least, it will be a new element in my teaching vocabulary, a new method to add if I can hone it.  I would like to be as adept as possible to working with more challenging classrooms, and if this structure has been proven to work, I would welcome at least learning it and being capable of executing it.  It will be a challenge and I feel quite lucky to be able to receive training and the opportunity to try.

There are many ways to love.  Often people smile to share their openness, and certainly this is appreciated.  But perhaps there are some more difficult ways to love, which don't even seem to ask reciprocation, at least not immediately, and in that sense, perhaps are more sincere.  And in this way, love is when one acts to help another grow, in whatever way is needed.