Every so often

Depression is another side of life and living.  It is another reality, though not one that I experience often anymore.  But sometimes it is there, and I remember a way of seeing the world that is more stark, more colorful, more tender, more unforgiving, more compassionate to others.

It is an unsettling thing, as a woman, that these feelings can emerge.  And I imagine it is just as unsettling, and also somewhat foreign, for a man to be witness and subject to it.  I suppose the advantage for a woman is to become more aware of the subjectivity of life perspective.  We are all capable of this, but I think woman may have a built-in biological method that helps them face it frequently.   Of course, there are disadvantages, which we highlight often.  But how beautiful to be able to look at the world in a very different way from one day to the next.  Initially a magical and frightening happening in life, and then understood, if not controllable.  And how beautiful to have some understanding of something that is outside of one's control.

Sometimes I come across feminist articles.  Last night I read one about mothers who regret become so.  There was a clear distinction made between their wish that they had not had children and their very real love for their children.  It was not that they did not love them, but just that the job of motherhood itself is a very difficult and often thankless one, which often requires a great deal of selflessness.

There are many other ways to express feminism beyond the idea that we are not just baby-making machines.  Equal rights, equal pay, the way people speak about women, etc.  But rarely, if ever, have I heard a form of feminism that celebrates women in a way devoid of their male counterparts.   We are always compared to and with them, either in a sense of injustice, or in some way to prove our worth in more realms.

Sometimes in my quiet moments that do occur every so often, I am deviantly thankful for this internal gift that seems such a burden.  It is not necessarily a happy gift, but certainly one that opens my eyes in new ways.