Frustration

I had several days away from the piano (and cello, too) and have been coming back to them in the past few days.  This morning I had a familiar experience, though not one I've felt recently, of playing something on the piano that I know I can play, but not being able to get my brain and fingers to really do it.  It was frustrating and unproductive.  So I decided it was time to more on to the next piece.

I've worked a lot on Fur Elise, and I've worked through a lot of challenges, but this was a different "brain feeling,"  one that felt like hitting my head against the wall.  It wasn't getting better.  It's been about 2 months, and I have it all but performance ready (or so my nascent inner pianist might believe).  And sometimes, in such a state, quality may come from giving oneself exposure to other things, to learning skills from different angles, to broadening repertoire, in short, to quantity.  It's not something I might have admitted 10 years ago, when I took pleasure in beating myself up over a single shift, but I think there is some value in it.

So it was nice, later in the day, to be able to bring this fresh experience to a conversation with a student that has very acute frustrations with cello practice at times.  It was nice to be able to talk about stepping back, taking a breath, doing something else if needed.

But I think it may have to be a part of growing and becoming stronger.  There will be times when we feel ourselves bigger than we are, and that reminds me of trying to sit still as a 5-year-old in a long orchestra concert.  Sometimes that body just needs to move beyond itself but can't seem to do so, sometimes the mind needs to grow beyond itself, but doesn't know how, even if it can see the goal so clearly.