Twice a year, the Madison club hosts a color belt test to which people from all over the country come. There were people who had been studying with the head of our club for over 20 years, who have been committed to this practice through multiple moves and life changes, who have adapted their practice and stayed connected to the foundation of the community in Madison. These meetings are an opportunity for everyone to meet again, to learn from one another, not unlike a conference. But they are also an opportunity for the color belts in the Madison club and the students of past students of the club (now black belts living elsewhere) to try to do more than they think they are able to do. It is a day of growth in a supportive environment.
Just under two weeks ago, I spoke with my instructor and we decided that I should also be involved in this test. It has been discussed that I should try for my black belt this year, for which there is a preliminary test in March, and this was meant to be an opportunity for me to try in the testing atmosphere and to get some feedback in that arena on things on which I should focus. There are forms, blocks, kicks, combinations of blocks and kicks, physical tests, mental tests, sparring. All of these are worthy of consideration, trying to build a strong test.
Once we had this conversation, at relatively late notice for preparation for a test, I got to work. Since moving to New York I have certainly maintained my Tae Kwon Do practice, but admittedly the stress of living in the city and adapting to a new job and identity has taken a lot of my focus. Practice sessions have been shorter than I would probably like, intended mostly to stay in shape and in touch with the concepts less than pushing myself to focus on their improvement.
There are times when I have a deep desire for devotion. I think it is a wish to connect with something truly significant in the midst of the many demands of daily living. I understand the wish to be religious, the feeling that there is something important towards which our lives point. And in these two weeks I was reminded of a hint of that devotion, which I have cultivated in the past through this practice, but which has of late been muffled in this new life. It was comforting to know that it is still there, that others are practicing it, working hard with their bodies and through reflection to come to greater self awareness, greater awareness of others, and a greater ability to contribute and share within their community. The individuals of this club are remarkable people, but the club as a whole is an unbelievable gift. It is a gem living in Madison.
It's comforting that it is now not as far away as it was a year ago. It was such a joy to be able to be there for this test, after missing them for three years. It was a joy to be able to make sound with others, to jump in unison with others, to try and support one another, and to have the guiding support of our instructors.
But there are so many of us that do not have the benefit of checking in with this remarkable club four times a week for their classes. We have to hold it inside of us, to remember that it is there, and to bring it to life wherever we are. That is the requirement of finding something that you love. You have to share it, otherwise it will die with those that gave it to you, it will die with you. As much as I wish that I could be with this group all the time again, as I was for 2 years, I think it would miss the point. It is important that the members there are cultivating their strength and spirit, but so too is it important that I cultivate it in myself, in my world. That is devotion. It may be lit by another but it has to come from inside to continue.
When I arrived back in Newark, New Jersey I was surrounded by so many languages again. People, people, people, walking and moving around one another. There was no sky between the airport and my destination other than at a crowded train platform. People pushed and shoved to get on the train, to get off the train, the subways, the stairs. This inertia can be draining. People, people, people, everyone looking at one another and past one another, touching and thwarting. It's a numbed free sparring match.
It's so easy to be caught up in what is around us. Or to think that what is around us is all that is there. There are things unseen, underneath, and within. They are the things that we carry with us, the way that we carry with us, our being and state of being. We can practice in ourselves. Any sky, no matter how distant or unseen, can be touched by our light.
No comments:
Post a Comment