Going

It's amazing that life, such as it is, causes us to question whether we should hit pause and mark the births and passing away of family members.  I heard that my grandfather was unwell, and balancing my decision to go home was the voice of people that I serve in New York, all my students and their families.  Luckily I have a partner that is very committed to family in a way that I hope to learn more from as we live together, and luckily, the people whose lessons I cancelled are not holding it against me in the slightest that I'm leaving them.  It must be my own internal modern human that gets caught up in the demands it thinks it is obeying.

So tomorrow I'll go home to Cincinnati to see my grandfather and luckily, the past few days have been busy enough that I haven't thought about it yet.  Reflection has learned to be so efficient and concise in New York.  I feel like I used to understand what it was to be still, to sit with something.  But now I'm walking into something I don't understand,  although if I pay attention, perhaps I'd realize it's the same way I walk all the time.

My grandfather used to read these posts.  I used to write them, knowing that he would be on the other end.  I don't think he is able to do that anymore.

It's so meaningful to have a presence, even if it is untouchable, even if it exists in another place and time.  Even if the other person cannot acknowledge or express their appreciation for it.  It's hard to understand why we exert our presence, why I want to go.  But here we, for one another, even if blindly.